


What If

by marchtwentyfour



Series: What If [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cyhun, F/M, kairil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:39:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3729256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchtwentyfour/pseuds/marchtwentyfour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myturntocry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myturntocry/gifts).



> For Oh Sehun's birthday! But really I just want to write this for my best friend ^^

Having stayed away for the better part of 5 years, Sehun had almost forgotten how pain felt like. He had spent those 5 years pretending and pretending it never hurt, pretending it never happened and pretended that he had no feelings whatsoever.

 

"Congratulations on your engagement, Cyril!" Sehun smiled tightly and he still slurred over his pronunciation, but he knew that the girl he loved didn't care. She used to hit him and tell him to practice speaking if he did this years ago, but now she didn't even bat an eyelash.

 

"Thanks, Sehun-ah!" She smiled, arms wound tightly around him. Her eyes were bright with happiness and her lips curved up in a pretty sight and Sehun knew it was right to leave 5 years ago. She turned her head to the guy beside him who was already looking at her, the same sight mirroring his face. "I'm really glad that you're here."

 

Sehun wanted to scoff and roll his eyes, but he knew that would do him no good. So he could only bow his head and turn around before the pain shows in his eyes. It was lucky there were a lot of people and he could get lost among them because right now, he couldn't stomach the pain that was strumming through his lanky body. He felt his breathing go ragged as if he was losing his own breathe.

 

"Oh Sehun, how could you forget your own pain?" he whispered to himself the moment he was outside on the street alone with strangers. He could still hear the party inside, but the night air brought him a certain calmness he never knew he could ever achieve after what had happened.

 

 

Sehun met the love of his life when he was 12 and messy at dancing. His mom had enrolled him on the class because he was lazing around at the house and thought that he could spend his time better. He hated it because he would rather play games all day long than stretch his bones and sweat. But his mom had yelled at him, hit him and thrown him in his room without dinner.

 

He learned that he should follow whatever his mom says years ago so he stomachs the hunger and anger inside. This wasn't the first time that Sehun was yelled or hit or not fed, there were worse times when he couldn't even go out of the house because the lashes on his arms and legs were too obvious.

 

On his first day, he meets her, a girl who never yelled at him no matter how many times he had messed up (twice). She just smiled at him and was so patient that Sehun could feel his heart melting at the thought that someone out there (her) would not hurt her.

 

They became friends and sometimes Sehun thinks that maybe she didn't like being friends with him, but he stomached everything and did his best to get her to like him. Sehun knew he wasn't perfect and he sucked a lot, so he tried his best to be less messy and less annoying. He did everything she asked of him because he wanted to keep her.

 

 

"Why do you always do everything I ask you to do?" she had asked when they were 18 and about to graduate High School. She had that frown on her face, the one that was reserved just for Sehun and he hated and loved it both at the same time.

 

They had spent the past 5 years together. She didn't look too thrilled at keeping him as a friend, but Sehun was only thankful that she didn't throw him out. She never yelled at him, never hit him and never locked him out. She was patient and helpful, although a bit annoyed. Sehun couldn't ask for anything better.

 

"Because..." _I love you_ , Sehun knew he should say it. He knew he should answer her truthfully because she deserved to know. However, he wasn't so sure he deserved her. He couldn't say it because how could he? How could he confess to her when he couldn't even make her laugh as if the whole world was so beautiful? "You're my best friend. My most precious friend."

 

She looked directly into his eyes and Sehun returned the gesture, hoping that his feelings weren't flashing in red neon lights to her. He didn't know what she would do if she knew. Would she return his feelings? Would they say friends? Would she abandon him? Sehun was afraid to find out. He could feel his knees weakening at the thought that this was the end of them. But he was glad when she answered him.

 

"You're my best friend too, Oh Sehun." she took his bony hands into hers and squeezed it tightly. "Friends forever, that's what we are, right?"

 

"Yup!" Sehun could only agree, his eyes still on her even though she had turned her head to look at the street. "Forever."

 

 

Forever turned out to be five years later, when she met Kim Jongin where she works. She studied photography and was employed at one of the known magazines to shoot cover photos for them. Kim Jongin was a popular model, one that started young and was slowly gaining name in the foreign industry. They were the perfect match.

 

Sehun was a bubble tea employee at day, bartender at night. His mom had died when they were at their second year of College and he was suddenly free from her yells and hits and pain. However, it also meant that he didn't have money to support himself so he had to quit school to work enough to feed himself and keep a tiny apartment.

 

She wanted to help him, give him some money or stay with them, but Sehun couldn't accept it. He couldn't let her see how much of a mess he was so he rejected her offer. They stayed friends, but he knew that she was hurt at some level.

 

"If ever you need anything... just tell me, okay?" she looked at his eyes, hopeful and tired at the same time.

 

"You've been such a good friend, my only friend... just stay by me and I'll be alright," Sehun told her, eyes smiling even through the pain he was suffering.

 

When she and Jongin started seeing each other out of work, Sehun knew he was doomed. They were the perfect couple, the perfect image of a perfect relationship and they were also perfect. Jongin was everything that she had ever wanted, he was her ideal type and Sehun wasn't.

 

Jongin courted her shyly, bringing her gifts and taking her to romantic dates in parks and museums. They share the same taste in music, in art, in books and in movies. He could make her smile just by smiling himself, she would smile so bright that Sehun could swear he sees angels coming down from the heaven to play the harp. They were perfect and it didn't take long for them to start dating for real, calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend with blushes on their faces.

 

Where did Oh Sehun fit into their perfect world? _He didn't._

 

Where does a broke, orphaned, 23-year-old College drop out fit in an image of perfect love and glamourous life? He doesn't and Sehun knew that very well.

 

They would invite him to parties or just day outs, but he couldn't afford the suit to wear or money to pay for food. He only has his second-hand skinny jeans and washed out shirts to wear while eating packed ramen and 1,000 won bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He didn't fit in the frame and it hurts.

 

It hurts because Oh Sehun stuck to her, chose her and fell for her because she was the only person who stayed by his side, who befriend him, who helped him through everything and never hurt him. For some reason, this pain she inflicted hurt more than the yells and hits and hungers he experienced from his Mom combined.

 

So he left. He sold his apartment, his very few belongings and everything he had saved up to go back studying and bought a plane ticket to Busan. It wasn't too far, but he never told her where he was going so she could never go see him.

 

He started a new life. Not a glamourous one, but a job well enough to keep an apartment and feed him healthily. He tried to forget about her, about Jongin, about all the regrets and _what if_ s that was going through his mind.

 

On some days he succeeds, on some days he doesn't.

 

_What if he had confessed to her? What if he had told her how much he loves her and how much he wants to take care of her?_

_What if he could make her smile the same way that Jongin does?_

_What if he was the one looking at her eyes and seeing all the love and joy there reflecting the one on his?_

_What if he never waited for her to see him the same way he saw her?_

 

 

Sehun watched her walk down the aisle with a man not him. He watched her smile and kiss someone not him. He watched her smile and fall in love with Jongin, not him. He watched her take away everything he had the moment she said "I do" because he knew that he had lost her forever.

 

Sehun turned around and left the Church, walking down the long stairs before slumping down on the side walk. He could feel the tears in his eyes, the pain that he had kept way too long finally coming down. This was it, this was the end.

 

_What if she loved him too?_

 

Sehun would never know.


End file.
